Dating women brides looking marriage

Love is not measurable, unfortunately. Life would be so much easier if we had a “love meter” that would bob up and down as we passed people on the street. Or as we were on a long walk on the beach, we could glance at our date’s love meter to see what direction that the night was going in. You know, the meter could have markings like, My date is: “Passionately stricken with love” and “hoping to be friends” and “dating me for my body,” etc.

But as we know, the only meter that we have to gauge love is our “feelings,” which is a terrible way to judge anything altogether. It would be like using a tire pressure gauge as a thermometer.

Since judging by emotions is problematic-mainly because there are too many variables that go into the emotional equation-we had best find a better measuring stick. Love in its most quantifiable sense can be broken down into three categories: willingness to change, commitment to commitment, and a sense of self-control. As love grows, all of these increase in turn. If these three categories are not satisfied, then what we think that we are feeling is not love, but something else. It may be lust, it may be hormones, heck, it may be indigestion. But it aint love.

So the first criterion is willingness to change. Of course, this change does not always require both parties to become the same person, but it does require each side to become a complement of the other. I like to see marriage as an algebraic function. When you try to solve an equation, you can’t alter one side without altering the other. It is a process to find an answer, but it requires change on both sides. And no, this does not translate to women being abused and men being whipped. It simply translates to two halves acting as a better whole. Of course, it is hard to commit to change if neither side is willing to commit to commitment.

In order to truly find love, you have to be willing to commit. As marriage becomes less and less popular in society, love begins to fade. Although when two people live together they can grow closer, the impetus to refrain from putting it in writing is doubt that love actually exists. Any phrase that follows, “We could get married, but …” is an admission of doubt, a lack of true love. Living with your mate for five years before you are even married would be like test driving a car for two years before you decide to buy it. You’d say to the dealer, “I like the spoiler and the halogen lights, but I need to see if the transmission starts slipping after the warranty has worn off.” In the same sense you only love someone when you are willing to make the commitment, faulty transmission and all. Of course, hard times are never behind us, even in the case of true love. Fortunately, love will make you do marvelous (known in other circles as crazy) things.

Perhaps the greatest marvel of all is the empowering sense of self control that comes with true love. The primary self control that I’m talking about is a control of the sexual tension that rushes around us all. Ideally, this would extend to abstinence before marriage (thus solidifying the commitment between husband and wife), but it more reasonably applies to total fidelity after marriage. Self control comes when love is there to support it. If it weren’t for love, there would be no reason to show any restraint (other than the fear of punishment). We would just do whatever we wanted with whatever we wanted to do it with perpetually. But love is a passion greater than the vices that we are all inclined to pursue. Once we have control of the rest of our passions, they will not cloud our path towards love.

A marvelous, elusive thing, this love.